Pet Death Certificates Online
EternalCompanion.com NEWS RELEASE
Kansas City, MO
Contact:
Kyle Koehler
(801) 938-4676
For immediate release
December 18, 2006
PET CASKET SUPPLIER OFFERS PET DEATH CERTIFICATES
KANSAS CITY, Missouri – Death certificates for your pet’s death are now available from www.EternalCompanion.com. The documents can be ordered through their website for a small processing fee and will be recorded in the company’s database for world-wide client access.
Since August, 2006, Eternal Companions has been making handmade wood pet caskets. Now, customers can submit their pet’s information and receive a certificate of death from the company.
The documents are similar to human death certificates issued at the time of death, but will include several other entries. The animal’s breed, color and owner’s name will also appear on the certificate. Then, the pet’s death will be recorded with the company for future use of the owner and/or veterinarian.
Eternal Companion wants this service to be available to every grieving owner. Certificates are issued worldwide and stored on the internet so it doesn’t matter where the owner lives, they can access their pet’s record.
Pet Death Certificates are available at www.EternalCompanion.com and will cost $8.49 plus $3.95 for shipping and handling.
Eternal Companion is a worldwide producer of wood pet caskets. They have four models to choose from and including several options. There also is a custom order option if a customer has a specific design they want to submit.
Pet Caskets Online
EternalCompanion.com NEWS RELEASE
Kansas City, MO
Contact:
Kyle Koehler
(801) 938-4676
For immediate release
December 18, 2006
PET CASKET SUPPLIER NOW ONLINE
KANSAS CITY, Missouri – Wood caskets for your pets are now available online at www.EternalCompanion.com. This a small start-up company started because of the owner’s interest in eternal pet care.
Since August, 2006, EternalCompanions.com has been making handmade wood pet caskets. The company’s founder, Kyle S. Koehler says, “I’m very excited to make this product because when we lost our family pet several years ago we had no idea what to do with him remains.” Kyle makes the caskets in his basement and has now made his products available to the whole world via the internet.
EternalCompanion.com was a brainstorm idea when Kyle was grieving from the loss of their family pet Odie, a miniature Doberman pinscher. “I knew if we didn’t know what to do with him, there were other people in the same boat,” says Kyle. “That’s why I wanted to use the internet. I didn’t just want to help people in my area I wanted to help everybody with a pet.”
EternalCompanion.com is a worldwide producer of wood pet caskets thanks to the internet. They have four models to choose from and including several options. The product names are The Warwick, The Commodore, The Roosevelt, and The Chestnut.
The casket options include a weather-out system to further protect your pet from the elements and “Eternal Comfort Lining” which is a satin lining just like a human casket. Prices start at $29.95 and go up depending on size. “The size of the pet doesn’t matter, as long as they brought love they count,” says Kyle. There also is a custom order option if a customer has a specific design they want to submit.
August 22, 2006
Baptists Don’t Listen to Mama
The Watertown First Baptist Church in New York has fired their 81 year old, Sunday school teacher for being a woman. Mary Lambert was fired earlier this month because she didn’t have the required equipment. Pastor Tim LaBouf believes only a person with a penis has the right qualifications. He quotes First Timothy from the Bible, “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent.” Obviously, New York Baptists are not raised by their mothers. {Source}
Pillars of Dairy Not Salt
“It is amazing; Lord Ganesha drank milk from my hands. Now he will answer all my prayers,” says Surama Dasgupta. She’s referring to the reason thousands of people flocked to temples across India Monday. The statues of Lord Shiva, Lord Krishna and Lord Ganesha are said to be drinking milk. It seems milk does more than keep your body physically healthy. It keeps you ignorant. {Source}
Jackpot Jackass
Mr. Maillet isn’t celebrating his lottery win from August 12th. The party stopped a few hours after he thought he won. The winning numbers to the $42 million dollar lottery were incorrectly printed in the Montreal Gazette where he gets the results. Maillet’s numbers were winners of a drawing three days earlier. The paper accidentally reprinted them. Maillet is suing the paper stating there is no disclosure saying the numbers are not official in the paper. He says he did check to see if the numbers were official. However, it is official that he was made to look like a jackass and he wants the paper to pay for it. {Source}
Daydreamer Fool
A school boy in Shandong Province, China fell asleep in class. Now, he is suing the teacher for disturbing him. Xiaodong was rudely awakened by his teacher not once but twice. On the second time, the teacher instructed him to stand in the corner. Xiaodong did not. Instead, he walked out the door and entered into the world of self-assurance. He wants an apology from the teacher and $185 for mental suffering. That must be what pride is going for these days. {Source}
Shocking Hair
The first day of school can be shocking, especially for one North Crowley High School girl in Texas. You see, she didn’t fit in with the other kids and principal Trent Lovette picked up on that last Thursday. He noticed the problem was not Meiasha Franklin, but the color of her hair. She had dyed her hair an “unnatural” hue. Lovette discussed the matter with
Franklin and came up with a resolution strictly from the school conduct book. He says she will have to dye her hair a natural color or else she will receive an in-house suspension every day she sports the wrong dye. Lovette also highlighted another problem when he over turned his decision the following day, his own incompetence to separate fashion and prejudice. {Source}
Move over Miss Liberty: America has a New Symbol
San Diego, CA
Going into the new century brings a current of change with it. Boy bands are losing their charm, people are texting one another and the United States is changing its symbol for freedom. Of course, it’s a matter of location that symbols mean different things in different areas of the country. Take this for instance. Imagine if London Bridge was relocated out of London and placed say in Arizona, it would lose its purpose of importance. There would be no reason to call it London Bridge. Imagine if that nightmare would happen. Another symbol that would lose it’s meaning if moved would be if the Arch was taken from St. Louis and moved to the North Pole. It could no longer stand as the “Gateway to the West.” It’s all a matter on location as to what the symbol means.To prove this point, President Bush signed a bill Monday to keep a 43 foot symbol of American sacrifice in San Diego. The monument was constructed on Mt. Soledad which is clearly visible from interstate 5. It was erected in 1954 in honor of the military personnel killed in Korea and the two world wars.
This symbol of American ideal and sacrifice was saved from the bulldozers by the President’s bill at least for now. This comes after a 17 year legal battle over the cross. You see, an atheist in
California wanted to take this great symbol away from good Americans. The atheist, we’ll leave him unidentified because they’re soulless anyway, says the monument is a concrete symbol of states reliance on religion. The soulless man won the battle in the Supreme Court because a Hippy judge agreed that the cross because of its visibility was in clear violation of the constitutional right of separation of church and state. The tree hugger obviously didn’t bother to read the plaque on the entrance to the structure. It has nothing to do with religion, it’s a monument dedicated to the sacrifice of our soldiers. This is the same sacrifice that allows him to be a judge in the first place. If there wasn’t such a green haze in
California, maybe he would see that.
The American public doesn’t even see it as a religious icon. They see it more as a large smaller case “t” that stands in defiance to the evils of our world. How could this letter of the alphabet be interpreted wrongly? It’s a matter of location. You see, Californians don’t live in Washington. In Washington, the letter “t” stands for justice and the American way of life. But in California, the only state that you can get lung cancer from cigarettes, the lower case letter is in clear violation to our constitution. The problem with their logic is that the constitution belongs to America and it symbolizes something. It stands for democracy and in this great country the majority has the voice. Atheists in
California need to put down the Pringles and realize that the rest of the country is right and their voice will be heard.
Location defines the symbol’s meaning. This is why the Statue of Liberty is located in
New York. She’s a symbol of human survival, endurance and freedom. She stands in the habor to invite all the “poor, tired, huddled masses” to come and enjoy this ideal. If she was moved to
Texas and placed on the border, it would give everyone the wrong idea about our country. She would not symbolize acceptance she would stand for free and open border which would be like an all you-can-eat salad bar for $1.99.
Symbols mean different things in different locations. If the liberals and atheists of the world would come to terms with this, it would be easier for our country to control more people. People need this control because it makes them spend more and without spending how could Washington drive their fancy cars? Think about it hippies, the majority has spoken. They’re right and you’re wrong. God Bless America and all its correctly placed symbols.
Your Grandmother May Be a Terrorist
State College, PA
Family members and friends keep a close watch over grandma this holiday season. She may be a terrorist. You may think warmly about her special home-made goodies she sends you during the season. Don’t be fooled. Along with photos of Grammy and pa-pa, she could be sending dangerous materials through the mail. You shouldn’t be naïve and think nana isn’t aware of her terroristic acts. That’s what authorities in
Pennsylvania need you to know. Grandma is as dangerous as all the Bin Ladens put together.
Her care packages may contain suspicious white powder. If you receive one of these “special” deliveries, you need to come clean and turn your grandma over to authorities. Chances are it isn’t powdered sugar she sprinkled on your cookies, its poison or even crack cocaine. That’s how terrorists behave. They send unassuming packages through the
United States Postal service to create fear. Her gift package is a menace to our vulnerable country.
Don’t think for a minute she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She isn’t going to bingo on Thursday nights or doing the crossword puzzle. She’s hatching world domination schemes and she’s using your holiday gift package as a tool.
Authorities in
Pennsylvania shut one of these terrorists down on Saturday. About 80 police officers and firefighters responded when a clever postal worker discovered a white powder leaking from a piece of mail. The diligent
United States employee acted quickly and it may have saved lives. What law enforcement found in those packages upon investigation was what appeared to be hazardous materials. With trained equipment they determined it was harmless baking material. But it might as well of been poison powder put there to scare Americans.
This terrorist they caught this weekend could have sent the packages as decoys to cover up her real agenda. She claims the packages she sent contained flour and sugar she was sending to her new home in
Chicago. She says she was trying to save money by shipping her baking materials. It’s a likely story by a clever terrorist.
Most of the time scum like her create a scene that distracts people away from their real deliveries which are stuffed tightly in a body cavity and transported safely across state lines when nobody is looking. Americans be on the look out. If your nana pays you a surprise visit anytime soon, don’t assume she’s there to see her family. She may be there to make a delivery to one of her contacts that lives in the area. It’s up to Americans to police this activity. Law enforcement is doing there best but distractions like Saturday at the post office kept them from investigating other illegal acts.
When grandma pays a visit, act normally. Don’t let on that you know about her plans. If you have to, hire a detective or place a GPS device in her Buick. Make sure you know where she is at all times. Also, go through her luggage and notify the FBI if there is anything suspicious. Right now isn’t a time to be apathetic. It’s important for the safety our country and way of life that you be watchful.
It may be too late to help your grandmother. She may be too deep into the crime world. Once villains like her get a taste for terrorism, usually there is no turning back. There is a well developed underworld and you won’t be able to take the entire organization down, but you can do your part.
When nana’s mysterious holiday cookies show up at your house notify the police and if she shows up at your house don’t be afraid to pat her down. But be careful, she may be armed. She’s clever and she will notice if you act suspicious. If she’s frightened by your actions, you will blow your cover and won’t receive evidence from her to build a case. Your cousin in
Des Moines with the three snotty kids will have to be informed because it’s likely she will flee to them.
America we we’re naïve once. It’s time to start watching each other, but act normal. It’s up to you because terrorists have our law enforcement agencies busy with events like Saturday. Sleep with the doors locked and one eye opened. There’s no telling when nana will show up on your doorstep.
Communists Nix Planet in Front of American Schoolchildren
Burdett, KS
This might come as a shock to some people. The universe isn’t expanding its shrinking. Contrary, to many scientists’ theories and facts the solar system isn’t rapidly accelerating away from the sun. It’s getting smaller. That’s what they’re teaching school children in
Kansas.
Kids are being taught to think big just like native Kansan Clyde Tombaugh did back in 1930.
Clyde was only 24 when he discovered what most school children accept as fact today. With the use of a homemade telescope and no formal education, Clyde found an icy object floating in the solar system just behind
Neptune. What he discovered on Feb. 18th, 1930 was Pluto. You can image this small town boy standing on his tip toes peering into a high powered telescope he made in his parent’s root cellar. A romantic tale about American ingenuity has now come into question with recent debate in
East Europe.
School children prepare to be disappointed. Science and facts are against you. Scientists and lab monkeys have been plotting an evil scheme deep in the heart of former Communist Czech Republic to take away this discovery from you. I know you don’t know where that is, but it’s not important to know where the red is. They have been meeting secretly this past year to take Pluto away from you. Not many details have leaked from the International Astronomical Union in
Prague. But, one thing is clear they’re defining what makes a planet and Pluto will not be included. It will be left in the dark as it floats in the depths of space.
Some of the red has leaked over seas to
New York. The Hayden Planetarium in 2000 opened an exhibit minus the icy planet. The planetarium’s director, Neil Tyson calls it a “vagabond of the solar system.” The vice president of IAU which might as well be “I Hate You” America Robert Williams has this grimacing quote, “If that’s the way it is, that’s what we do. It’s not written in stone anywhere there’s got to be a numberable number of planets. If it upsets schoolchildren, I regret that.” Somehow I doubt he does.
All these scientists have clouded their judgments with facts and new findings throughout the course of history. You may remember a few years ago the ongoing debate in
Kansas on evolution was brought back into light by the same kind of so-called scientific discoveries. When the flies settled, guess who had to hear the unsavory information? The schoolchildren did. They were actually told they came from monkeys. Can you believe science would have the nerve to report its facts to budding young minds who shape the future? Let’s just stick with what we know in Kansas which is Pluto is a planet as much as evolution is a myth, Dorothy landed in Oz, God hates fags, jay hawks are real birds that once lived and daddy and mommy are Republicans. It’s getting tiring to hear communist scientists disrupt what is commonly accepted just because they want to destroy the American way of life. They might as well tell these children the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are not real. I bet they’d like delivery that perverted news.
Oh, and one more thing school children in Kansas know that the Reds will never take away from them is to think and dream big just like Clyde Tombaugh did even if it’s wrong.
Lawn Wakes up After Long Summer Nap
Although summer is not quite over, as you may already know as you get into your 120 degree oven car right now, growing season for your lawn is about to start up again. Fall growing season continues for plants that went dormant over the last couple of months because of the extreme heat. This means that grass seed you babied last fall and protected this spring that now looks like fried rice noodles is going to stand up once again and yawn from it’s long nap. It just went dormant to conserve on energy during the hot months. Don’t worry and definitely don’t plan its funeral and move on with new over seeding. It’s not dead yet and you may upset it by adding babies to the family.
Grass doesn’t like the heat. Many people don’t realize their green friends don’t like the hot weather and to conserve on vital nutrients and to stave off dying they close up for the summer and basically stunt their own growth. The lawn care industry has figured this out and this is why many people don’t know to leave their yard alone when it gets hot. Companies are not releasing enough information because as you geniuses out there have already figured out, they sell more product.
There are other ways companies try to pull at your devastated heart strings over the loss of your beautiful lush yard. Irrigation system companies want you to purchase an in-ground system to water the lawn and make it beautiful during the summer. Watering over the summer can be dangerous to your lawn if it’s not done correctly. Most of the time people over water or don’t water enough. The right amount of water is about 1” per week in the morning say about 7:00 am. This way the ground gets soaked well and there’s just enough time for the sun to come out and burn off water from the grass blades to keep it from developing a disease. Just like a baby, we don’t want it to sit in water too long.
It’s just as bad to not give it enough water. If you don’t water enough you’ll stress your grass and weeds will sprout in place of your dead lawn. Usually, what happens when the grass doesn’t get watered enough, but receives just a tasty droplet of water every once and awhile, is the grass plant grows shallow roots. Which means, for all the geniuses, the plant doesn’t have a strong hold and only receives nutrients from what’s given to him. That means you’ve created a monster lawn that will ring the dinner bell everyday and never be happy with what you give him. I’m picturing a scene from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane where Betty Davis’ character served that rat to Joan Crawford. “Better eat your din-din.”
If the grass is over watered, then you’re looking at causing problems with fungi and root diseases which, as you may put together, causes stress to the plant or worse it may be the end of you’re friends. Also, if you’re lawn is lush and tropical during the summer months, you invite a wonderful array of bugs and grubs to live in your lawn. They love fresh salad like plants and during the summer they’re usually in need of nutrients as they are going through their life cycle and reproducing in your lawn! They need to control those urges. May I suggest cold showers and long walks around the block?
No matter if it’s over or under watering, if you water during the summer months just make sure you’re consistently giving the right amount as to not stress the plant. My advice would be to set the mower deck to 4” inches right around June 1 to the 15th and “train” your grass to develop strong hardy roots that dig deep and grab hold for the hot months ahead. Maybe, you could add some iron to help it stay green, but for the love of Pete’s sake don’t give it burning nitrogen during the hot months. This would cause it to permanently go dormant and you may have to dust off your best suit for graveside services and over seeding in the fall.
I’m welcoming the near end of summer not just for me personally, but for my fried little lawn. It’s been away too long and my mower has missed it. Time too put down some iron and prepare for the first lick of rain because there’s about to be a lot happening in the grass. Hopefully, I don’t like wearing black during the summer.
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Hello world!
Hi I’m the one and only Kyle Koehler. More news to come.
I Am Kyle
Born Seneca, KS in 1979. Attended Kansas State University and majored in Broadcast News Writing. Currently I live in Parkville, MO.
View my puppy pics at: Dog Discipline
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